I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Randomize
