i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
