So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Randomize
