I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
