She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
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I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
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My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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