sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
