She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
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