Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
im having a threesome with these popsicles
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Those nachos came to me in a dream
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
