im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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