I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
That reminds me...we need to get swords
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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