How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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