I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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