exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I still have a little drunk in my system
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
