She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
you will always have a special place in my vag
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
