She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
This is classic penis vs brain.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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