Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
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