please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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