I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Randomize
