if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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