She is in my trunk
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize
