I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
