I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
