dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
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