we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
you will always have a special place in my vag
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
