I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
