i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
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