Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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