I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
