I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
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