There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
two words...techno handjob
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
