FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
