I puked a lego.
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
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