new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Randomize
