I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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