i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
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