Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
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I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
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Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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