I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize