apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
