what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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