I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
