In the future we'll all be gay
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
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