yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
