im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Randomize
