so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Randomize