your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
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we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
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So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize