I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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