I never want to see another naked old woman again.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
