Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
