In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Randomize
