Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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