I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Randomize
