Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Randomize
