what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
