can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
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i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
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You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
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