I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
