just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I just googled if crying burns calories
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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