Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Randomize
