Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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