Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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