I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
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