i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
