Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Holy shit dude........stairs
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
