I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Houston, we have a blender
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
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