do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
