I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize