when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
