i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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