I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Randomize
