threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
