I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Randomize
