A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
