Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
