plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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