I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
