My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
