Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Randomize
