Too much gin, very little bucket
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
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