i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Randomize
