Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Randomize