I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
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