im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
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