Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
